10 Dating Tips That Will Change Your Life

I am friends with a large number of- now, I’m not sure how to phrase this without getting myself into trouble- clever boys. You know, boys who wear glasses and enter science expos and debating competitions. Boys who start blogs and who write for magazines. Boys who talk about politics and help me with the statistics for my undergraduate thesis. Boys who love Barry Manilow. (You all know who you are.) And each of these boys has made a number of blunders when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex. So here is my foolproof guide of what not to do*:

*These tips are all based on true dating blunders. Names have been omitted for the sake of maintaining the self-respect of those mentioned.

• Do not friend a girl on Facebook before you have met her. Unless you plan on never meeting her.

• If a girl has a boyfriend and she has just moved in with him, this is probably not the best time to confess your undying love for her.

• If you want to phone/sms a girl, do it. Just don’t phone her, then when she doesn’t answer, sms her, and when she doesn’t reply, try to call her again.

• Do not wear polo-necks. Or cravats. Or t-shirts that you have owned since primary school. Ever.

• If a girl gets to know you well enough to like you, she probably won’t care what you are wearing. But if you plan on getting girls that you have just met to notice you (and not in an “Oh my goodness, that guy is wearing a top-hat!” sort-of way), you had better put some effort into your appearance.

• If you are 27 and you don’t have a job and you still live at home with your parents… I’m not even going to finish that sentence.

• If you take a girl to the drive-in, she is expecting you to make a move. She is probably not expecting you to fall asleep. Or to sit on the other side of the car in terror.

• Do not ask complete strangers if they are pregnant. Particularly strangers that are attractive and that you would like to get to know better.

• Do not allude to the fact that you have read any sort of dating manuals such as “The Game”.

• Do not ask a nice Jewish girl if she has heard of our Saviour Jesus Christ.

The final point may seem obvious to most…